I was convinced to begin writing this blog by my wonderful partner, she thinks (and she is right) that this will be of some comfort and therapeutic to write about my challenges with mental health.
So here I am.
Its a slow start. I get these every now and then. I feel brain dead, like the little guys in my brain forget to click every switch. Everything is just slow, I seem to miss sounds, my eyes move slower and my thought process is at a snail pace.
The one blessing is that my brain power is so low that even the voices stop. But its a double edge sword because I cannot put this short lived peace to use – because I am so brain dead.
I have to go to work soon and I have developed a technique when this happens. I draw all my focus, all my energy from everything else and put it into work. Ok let me overly explain – Imagine theres an energy tank, 100% is full. This 100% has to be broken down between all the conscious and unconscious tasks. So;
Sensory (Seeing, tasting, feeling etc) 5%
Mental Issues 10%
Thats an example of what I mean, not real but figurative. Ive actually no idea of the specifics, however that is based on waking up with 100% energy – how often do you wake up with 100% energy? yeah. Me either.
So today feels like Im running on 60%. So what I mean above is; I have 60% energy but I need to work, I need to walk. That means I walk a bit slower – ok thats down to 5%, I can’t work to full capacity but need to keep my job so thats down to 35%. Now we have 40% required. but only 60% available, so deduct that and Im left with 20% to do everything else. So thats why the relationship suffers, I dont eat as much, my senses seems dumbed down and even my mental issues subside.
Anyway thats day 1. Not a low day, but a slow day.