#20 Science – ‘A New Discovery!’

It is time for a major scientific announcement. The first on my blog – many more to come I am sure. I discovered that gravity on earth differs dramatically from place to place. This in itself, is not a new thing, as I am sure you are already aware. Because as you know, you actually weigh 0.5% more at the north pole than at the equator.

What I discovered today though are gravitational changes far greater than have ever been previously recorded. I have found a specific spot where I weigh 1182.05% more*. And that spot is my bed. I cannot explain this anomaly. Most days when I wake up I weigh 78kg. Today I was 1000kg. I could not get up. Not through force of will or lack of desire but because my body weighed 1000kg. This is particularly odd because I didn’t wake up depressed. As everyone already knows, your body weight rises to 1000kg when you’re depressed.

That is why it is so hard to do anything. You can’t do normal things. Even when you attempt it, other people complain, they say ‘you are just lazy’ or that ‘you dont even try’. Try doing the dishes when you weigh a thousand kilos and tell me I am lazy.

It literally took me 2 hours and 47 minutes to get out of bed, that is after I woke up 2 hours later than normal. This disturbance in gravity followed me round for a little while afterwards as well. I was so heavy – everything was difficult. The tiredness never really left me and as a reward for all this? I was greeted with a lovely bout of anxiety when I was at work. Just a short burst. 20 minutes, out of no where. Like a bully who has forgotten he hasn’t punched you in a while.

My mind decided that apropos of nothing it should tell me I am sexually inept. No proof, no secret conversations with my girlfriend, no evidence whatsoever, but there you go Mindfump, deal with that. And I did – Never let them win.

Mindfump.

*on certain mornings

Something odd something normal?

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21 Comments

  1. Buffy Devane

    I certainly know this feeling… in 2016 I’ve been my “heaviest”, certainly.
    Thanks for expressing this so well, Mindfump.
    But, psychologically-speaking, this year I’m going to fight back against “Newton’s Revenge”. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mindfump

      haha love it! ‘Newtons Revenge’. I sincerely wish you well. It is very tough and made tougher when people don’t understand. I hope you know that I am right behind you, as I am sure everyone on these blogs are. Never give up.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Buffy Devane

    Yes, the lack of understanding in others is a brick wall, for sure. With some people, I keep bashing away at it, little by little [!]

    Thank you, Sir… that’s very kind. I’m right behind you, too.
    “Never Give Up” should be the motto for 2017 [and beyond!]
    I ought to write it down somewhere…

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Yankydoodledoo~♥

    Maybe then I should try to weigh myself while on my bed! Because normally, I’m underweight, so if I could weigh around 2073kgs on the bed, I could obese for once!
    Thank you for sharing that, now I’ve got new hopes! I totally gave up on gaining weight, y’know

    Liked by 1 person

  4. fensterbester

    Well written, sir! I know of another place where this natural phenomenon occurs: on my porch. It seems that after running, one can accidentally step into this space and find oneself unable to move for an hour, no matter how cold it is or how hard and uncomfortable the ground is.

    You getting up today was you winning, mate. Well done

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Joonas Kopponen

    I do get that pesky anomaly sometimes too, so glad it usually lasts for much less nowadays! Sometimes it is a welcome feeling though! Like as I was home tuesday morning after 25-26 hours of travelling, went to shower, ate, went to bed to “yeah honey I will just take a nap….” and woke up 8 hours later. Jenni (fiancé) said she had been on top of me poking to be sure I was alive, found me breathing but after me not making the slightest movement.. Let me sleep more. Eventually woke up in the “whazzat whozzat gimmefood???” way.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Joonas Kopponen

        Glad to hear you remembered and thought of it! It was.. Exhausting! I managed to have good time reading quite many hours of the journey and talked with one man on the plane, was nice. However.. My ass, legs and lower back hurted like a matafakaa! Also I could not sleep for more than like 20mins few times. Yesterday I went to the gym with a friend of mine and just hour ago I had two hours massage! Feeling good again.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Joonas Kopponen

            It is a wonderful thing, there is also three hours massage! I had the massage at home, my massager/personal trainer/a good friend in a way does home visits. 🙂 I have realized just how much good gym does for me so it was not exactly an effort, more like “YAY I AM HERE LETS GO WIIIIIILD!! …. Ok I need to take it a bit easy as I recently was sick.” I am no better, just different or further along the path with exercise. No “better”. 🙂 We are all the same on different part of the path.

            Like

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