Self-doubt, the uninvited visitor from yesterday is still here. He has been sleeping on my couch, eating my favourite biscuits and leaving his dirty laundry on the floor. I’m dealing with it, but eventually, it will be a problem.
Sometimes I feel like my body is a time share*, and although my conscience is the primary dweller, I am not the sole proprietor. So on occasion I arrive at my British time share body to discover, to my dismay, that it is occupied by someone else. How could it be? I booked this place out for at least 80 years. If this were to happen in real life you may choose to say something along the lines of ‘what the f**k are you doing?’ Or a more simple; ‘get the f**k out of here’. I choose not to say any of these things. I simply choose to sit awkwardly in the corner, asking permission to use the bathroom, all while being as polite as possible – Wouldn’t want to offend the time share squatter now would we?
Today I woke up to find a mouse occupying my time share of body. Something which happens with surprising frequency. And as such today I possessed the stature and personality of a field mouse. Rarely looking up, keeping myself to myself, and most importantly, being very quiet. I virtually whispered thank you at shops today and avoided any and every conversation at work. I’m a mouse – what would I have to offer anyway? Mice are hardly known for their great social skills. So I just sit patiently in the corner waiting for my turn of the timeshare body once more.
Hopefully the mouse gets bored and scurries off tonight or that tomorrow I wake up to find the timeshare empty. Either way, a mouse is not the appropriate animal to deal with self-doubt, who is currently looking very comfortable in the timeshare. I think he is in it for the long haul.
*Those things which bankrupted Spain and disappointed thousands of British holidaymakers who thought they were Del Boy for a year.