The humble black hole in the night sky has mesmerised astrologers for decades. A patch of sky with such high gravitational force that even light cannot make it out. It just leaves a round dark spot in the sky – hence the name black hole. Like an astrological vacuum, these things will take in anything that comes its way, with little sympathy for what has come before. Everything shall be consumed.
Now, the story of black holes is not new to almost anyone in the western world. And, by now, neither is my mental illness.*
So why is the force still so great? This is what I would ask myself. If I know I have this illness – why can’t I seem to do anything about it?
I am happy, I’ve been doing happy things. With people I love, all week. So why is there this over arching sense of darkness? Where does that come from?
The answer lies in black holes.
I am currently on my own planet of fun and happiness, which I created – through actions and activities. But knowledge of the black hole does not diminish the power of the black hole. Just like knowledge of my illness, does not diminish the power of my illness. Once you are in the orbit of a black hole, you will eventually be pulled in.
Maybe I’m just an unlucky planet. Doing all the right things to create happiness but the darkness still looms.
And I am doing the ‘right’ things, and this darkness is not leaving. But I am also aware that mental illness seems to exist in that gap between expectation and reality. So I suppose I just need to adjust my expectations, or stop watching Interstellar every night.
P.S Last night of phone blogging – back to normal tomorrow, inc. artwork (which no one asked for or missed).
*because everyone in the western world reads my blog.*