Brain Review: Fensterbester

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I got my brain about 27.5 years ago (but who’s counting?). For all external purposes, this brain was fine. It was very good at math and retaining information. It was even better at picking up sports, any sport. It was a bit of an overachiever too, because it was able to learn the piano really quickly. The brain devoured books and challenges and was pretty boss at public speaking. It was a good brain.
At some point the brain started malfunctioning. It is still undergoing a root cause analysis, so no exact motive has been pin pointed yet. About a year ago the brain had broken completely. It affected many biological functions and seemed to stimulate the tear-producing part of my eyes part a lot. It also seemed to be producing a lot of adrenaline for no obvious reasons. The thinky-thinky bits started losing some power.

Currently, the brain is in a decent state. It still loses function every now and then, but is mostly in a reasonable condition. It no longer retains information very well. It also seems to have serious memory and concentration issues. Playing piano is no option and sporadic adrenaline surges seem to have not been resolved completely. If you had not known the brain before, you would say it is a perfectly average brain.


This brain would make a good investment for anyone with a dull life. It turns slightly exciting events into majorly exciting event by releasing a lot of adrenaline and forcing you into some fun conversations. A good example would be that the adrenaline causes your hands to shake quite a bit, which in turn leads to spilling. If you want to get your boss’s attention, this is the brain to get! Nothing says “good employee” like spilling boiling tea on the man that issues your paychecks.

If you are getting along with your family, friends or SO too well and your relationships have been super comfortable, this brain will also be the one for you. It will make you a stranger to them. It will also make you feel like people lie when they say they love you and want to help you. It will make you believe you are not worthy of their affections. The result is a roller coaster ride of emotions, mild to severe estrangement and an array of feelings of guilt.

As a bonus, this brain with its high adrenaline production burns food from your belly and fat from your bones faster than you can ingest it! Have an underweight summer body with no boobs, butt, and plenty of ribs showing all year long!

I recommend this brain for anyone who is bored with their average life and who would like to instill some adventure in every aspect – even going to the loo. Disclaimer: adrenaline surges may be out of your control; low mood and fatigue may dominate your day and panic attacks are inevitable.

I would give this brain a perfectly average 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Much average brained love,




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