#38 Fraud – ‘You Are Not Mentally Ill’

OK ‘fraud’ is quite a strong word, not to mention broad. So let’s break it down into some kind of pyramid ∆*.

First off, we have Bernard Madoff. He is at the top of the pyramid*. He was the guy who defrauded investors out of 65 Billion Dollars (US), and has since been sent to a prison in the middle of nowhere, for 150 years. Just below him you have the kind of people who defraud voters, divide nations, cultures and races for their own benefit, and their name usually rhymes with Monald Fump. After that you have some other executive fraudsters and Government officials. Quite quickly though, you end up at the phone scammers. These are the ones who call old people and convince them they’re stuck in the middle of nowhere, and will transfer them 65 Billion Dollars if they help*. Then you’ve got door to door scammers, funeral fraudsters, con men, all the way down to stealing a shake-a-tin charity box.

So where do I feature in this pyramid? Or better still, why?

See, today was fine. It was ok, uneventful. I worked, and I ate, and I breathed. But I didn’t think a lot. I was in neutral.  There wasn’t a lot of brain activity at all, in fact if it wasn’t for this blog; today would be filed away into the ‘Absolutely Nothing of Interest – delete after 7 days‘ folder. I suspect I tapped into that brain wave small children can access with ease. The one where they seem to have zero recollection of ever eating food, or what they did at school… that day.

These are the days I have a hard time calling myself a person who suffers from depression or anxiety. Am I a fraud? I see blogs everywhere. Pain, lots of pain, suffering and despair. I look at me and saw none of that today.

Certainly, I think Madoffs position at the top is secure, but I do genuinely wonder if my depression is real – in between being depressed. And therein lies the point. When I am good, fine, neutral, ok – do I cease to be a sufferer of depression? I don’t know, but I really need to stop writing, there is a guy here telling me about this great investment opportunity. Its only available right now though, so I have to act fast!


*If you ever wondered why the band Alt-J ‘s symbol is a triangle, it is because if you press it on your keyboard it makes a triangle. Isn’t the world wonderful.

*Good joke #1; because he ran the largest ponzi scheme in history. Well done, Mindfump.

*Good joke #2; because it implies Bernard Madoff is calling old people. Double well done.


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Why People Hide Their Mental Health Illness

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  1. S. Hansen

    You know sometimes it feels like you’ve been ferreting around in the trash can that is my mind for any bloggable topics I had inadvertently thrown out. Just the other week when K was visiting and I was feeling not to bad I was thinking this very thing.
    Then yesterday I was feeling good too and I thought maybe I’d made a mistake making that doctors appointment, maybe I wasn’t really depressed…
    But I think our self doubt is indicative of our depression. We only worry because our anxiety tells us to. Our anxiety tells us a lot of dirty lies but he’s a very charming chap so they are easy lies to believe.
    P.S. If you are ferreting around in my trash can, could you do the recycling while you’re there?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mindfump

      I get all my best ideas from your trash – and that is me trying to give you a big compliment.

      I have cancelled so many therapy appointments, because if I went into a session feeling like I do today, I would feel so guilty. Imagine wasting their time, when someone really needs their help.

      I do agree though it is topsy turvy. Anxiety and depression are my best friends and worst enemies, whenever they choose to be.

      Recycling is done.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. S. Hansen

        Oh well thanks very much. Both for the compliment and sorting my recycling…
        I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, psychology is not my area of expertise. But is it possible a therapist might need to see us when we feel OK as well as when we are depressed to truly understand us and thus treat us?

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Mindfump

          It certainly makes sense, but reasoning with anxiety and depression never seems to go far. I should add that I have seen therapists when I’ve been feeling fine, although in comparison to the amount of times I’ve cancelled it isn’t even close. How are your feelings for your appointment?

          Liked by 2 people

          1. S. Hansen

            Well they are very mixed. I want to start doing better in general so I’m glad I booked an appointment. I’m pretty anxious, unsure I’ll be able to express myself quite right. I’ve had eight years of pretending I’m fine so that’s usually on auto pilot, what if the doctor doesn’t understand just how depressed I am?
            Also it is just an appointment with a gp so I’ll probably have a few appointments before I’m even seeing a therapist…

            Liked by 2 people

          2. Mindfump

            Right there with you on the emotions. Kudos to you for booking the appointment though. I had similar reservations and in the UK (I am sorry to say) I had very disheartening experiences. It took me many months to get an appointment with a therapist after the GP recommendation. I just hope you get the help you need, and that it is beneficial. I guess you will write about it when it all happens?

            Liked by 2 people

          3. S. Hansen

            I imagine I will. I don’t really have anything to hide (except my identity…), there’s nothing really in my life that would be uncomfortable for me to talk about. Which I suppose makes me the prime candidate to talk openly about the process of dealing with depression. Whilst also being a guilty feeling candidate. When nothing bad has happened you feel a bit of an ass for being depressed…

            Liked by 2 people

          4. Mindfump

            Yeah I know what you mean but it is important to remember that depression is an illness just like any other. You don’t feel guilty for having the flu, even though you didn’t have a bad childhood. Or you are doing well at work so why should you get shingles. Theres little logic to it.

            Liked by 2 people

          5. S. Hansen

            Very true. I was reading an article about recent brain studies recently. Apparently mental health issues like depression and ptsd can make biological changes to your brain, making new pathways and what not. So are mental health issues still just mental?

            Liked by 2 people

          6. Mindfump

            I don’t think they have ever been ‘just’ mental. We have been taking drugs and shocking our selves with electricity to change our biology for decades if not more. I think it is probably a combination of the two. My personal view that our intelligence as a species is in its formative years, we cant quite understand or control it. The slow sway of evolution is no match for supersonic technological advances and a fast moving society. Put those ingredients together and you have a lot of ‘malfunctions’ shall we say. Some people have the coincidently biology which allows them to cope with the man made changes and others do not. However our biology will not evolve to reduce these malfunctions because we don’t selectively breed or die anymore. OK, thats about 6 and half pence worth right there.

            Liked by 2 people

          7. S. Hansen

            Tis an excellent theory.
            Seems like the only solution is to give up on hospitals and go back to selectively dying… or I guess, you know, we could just study our brains a bit harder, I guess that would work too.

            Liked by 2 people

          8. Mindfump

            haha, well there is also change the society. That is probably the best option. We, as a species, appear think everything should run at maximum all the time. Without realise it is a zero sum game. If we all worked 10 hour weeks and didn’t have internet we wouldn’t miss anything because we wouldn’t know anything about it. Just like we don’t know all the things that haven’t been invented yet, that people will say ‘how did they live without’. We all just need to slow down, care more, focus on money less and understand that we are on a race to no where. My view anyway.

            Liked by 2 people

          9. S. Hansen

            If only!
            I tried doing that once but nobody came with me and there I was stood like an idiot earning too little money to feed myself. Holding a plaque that said ‘Hippy Life 4Eva’ wondering why no one else wanted to just slow society down…

            Liked by 2 people

          10. Mindfump

            The first through the gates always have it worse. Society is starting to slow down, you have france basically on a 4 day working week. You’ve got workers rights improving, universal wages coming in. Just countries like the UK and US holding the west back because these things don’t make money.

            Liked by 2 people

          11. S. Hansen

            And they call themselves United… pfft. United in saddening my existence…
            How’s the cryogenic freezing going? I’m wondering if I can just put my existence on hold for a few centuries. But then maybe that would be weird, I mean it’d be like a Victorian stepping into now. Still working shit out on an abacus and we whip out phones because it’s got a calculator on it…

            Liked by 2 people

          12. S. Hansen

            I’m not sure how you are going to word that compromise without it sounding bad…
            ‘I’ll be in a different century from you and I’ll be happier.’
            Or ‘we’ll be in a different century together and you just have to give up everything you know…’
            But maybe you have more tact than me… good luck :p

            Liked by 1 person

  2. Phil Ryan

    But if during your uneventful, okay day something different had happened, pushing you out of your comfort zone, you may have been writing a different post where things were fine and then suddenly anxiety struck. So you’re not a fraud, at least not for that reason 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  3. bipolarsojourner

    ever wonder what the alt-j, the Δ, is ? it is the greek letter delta. it is used in the field of numbers meaning finance, science and math and probably more to and represents the change or delta. so if you ever hear someone say, “delta t” they are likely talking about a change in time.

    using it in a sentence: the Δt for me to complete this reply was much to large.

    hey, who said that math degree would come in handy someday was right!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Gabe Burkhardt

    This is a great point and touches on one of the big difficulties in squashing the stigma around mental illness. Mental illness is an episodic disease. As you suggest, it comes and goes. Without radiologic tests to show us that yup -the tumor is still in there, or blood tests-yup you still have diabetes, there isn’t much we can point to when we aren’t in a nasty funk aside from the carnage we left behind from the last several episodes.

    But, the crazy is still there, waiting like that friggin’ masked serial killer for us to take a shower, or go skinny dipping with that special someone we got drunk with.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Mindfump

    This is very true actually. I have read research about it too. My biggest problem seems to be that I FEEL it. I feel better, and that confuses me. I kind of forget what depression feels like or what pain feels like. So I think it doesn’t exist. But above all else I’m glad you told me, so I don’t pick you for any future sports team I may be on – I’ll pick your sister 😛

    Liked by 1 person

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