#50 Down – ‘Another Failed Expedition’

In the infamous Trans-Antarctica expedition of 1914, Shackleton and his crew attempted to make the never been done before trek across the continent of Antarctica. To get there they took a ship called the Endurance. This was a brave attempt for many reasons, firstly it was a trip across the most inhospitable part of the planet!? Obviously. Secondly, how anyone with a ship made of a wood decided to go back into the iceberg covered waters of the Atlantic after the Titanic had sank 2 years earlier is beyond me.

In short, the expedition was not a success. In fact, so much so, that Shackleton and his crew weren’t able to make it to Antarctica. Although the story in itself is a success, it was and still is one of the most fascinating feats of endurance ever told.

Now without wanting to compare myself with the astonishing man that is Sir Ernest Shackleton and his doomed expedition to the depths of the earth*. I, myself, had a failed expedition today. For my birthday my girlfriend organised for us to both go pottery painting, and so far due to my regularly depressive and anxious moments, we have been unable to go.

Now theres some people out there that may suggest Shackleton and his crew went through worse. And they’d be right. But for me, today has been a struggle, for no reason. As is depression’s want.

It is not only feeling terrible for no reason that comes into play, but rather like the sinking of the endurance, you suddenly have to think about everyone else. That, and the guilt that comes with ‘failing’. It was an event organised for me after all. It is not the first time we have tried and failed to go, but hopefully it will be the last.

So we can add it to the pile of failed expeditions. OK, so it is not quite surviving in the Antarctic for 3 years, 100 years ago. But I am confident I will make it there one day, and I will paint those pots and the world will be right again. I’ll return a hero, just like Shackleton… Ah, thats right after his ordeal, he sent word home of his rescue, only to find out that World War 1 had just started and no one was interested in him.



*I’m doing exactly that.


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  1. Buffy Devane

    Hi Mindfump. Sorry it’s been so rough for you… it’s bad enough with dark anxiety to feel guilty on top of everything else, and I know it’s hard to “just not feel guilty”… but it’s not impossible.
    (I have no further “wisdom”.)
    Better expeditions ahead for you. 🙂

    And by the way, some have described Sir Ernest as “foolhardy”… which may [or may not] be food for thought.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. Buffy Devane

            PS was tempted to weigh in on the interesting comments conversation in your last post… but none of my comments on other sites are being delivered today. WP glitch?
            Bit late now, anyway. 😉 Take care.

            Liked by 1 person

          2. Buffy Devane

            You know, Mindfump… I like the sound of that: I think you’re absolutely correct.

            Of course, it sometimes works against us to be so fabulously popular… and I would have capitalised ‘fabulously’ but it would look like I was shouting. 😉


  2. Anonymous

    For what its worth, I think what you are doing IS heroic. And I am interested in your journey (and ultimately your rescue).

    And celebrate the failures -because these are what will make us strong.
    In case I have forgotten to tell you, I am grateful that you stumbled onto my little blog experiment a few weeks ago (and saying hello), because its given me the gift of reading your writings everyday.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amused and Bemused Blog

    Hey, Mindfump.
    It’s a sneaky bastard of an illness which has been hitting me this week too. Thing is, they are just pots and they will wait for you. There will be more pots and you will kick it out the park when you do go to them.
    Great gift and you will sort it together, it’s the when that’s in question.
    Hope tomorrow is better for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. S. Hansen

    I can’t wait to see what you paint on your pottery! I mean once you’ve painted I ♥ S.Hansen there’ll probably still be a good amount of space left for other doodles…
    Also when you do succeed in you’re expedition there’s a very slight chance (although it’s increasing) that things will turn sour, just like for Shackleton. There’ll be pottery shards everywhere, the pottery place which I have decided is in a bear infested woods is a long way from Vienna… and it may well be that Trump has started world war 3 so no one can be bothered to rescue you. If that is the case though. I’m sure I can make time in my schedule to make a super hero costume for Editor Hansen and head on over to rescue my bestie… I guess you too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. summerSHINES

    I think failed expeditions are part of the territory for people like us with mental health issues. I think not going actually demonstrates good self-care. I’ve developed a sixth sense for when it’s worth pushing myself to go out when I don’t want to and when it isn’t. If your gut feeling is you won’t enjoy painting pottery that day, you probably wouldn’t have done. You know yourself best. It is part of the territory and we’re all with ya 💛

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mindfump

      I couldn’t agree more and it makes me feel a lot better that I’m not going through these things alone. Although it still feels a little silly that at 28 I can’t go paint a few pots. Next time. Thanks for your kind and supportive words as always summer.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. summerSHINES

        There will be other pot painting opportunities 🙂 Sometimes I find its better to not plan anything in advance and literally say “what shall I do right now” and just go places when you know you actually feel capable. Having an expectation of going out, then your mood being incongruent with that once it comes to it, feels more like you’ve failed. If you have no expectations then just go out spontaneously when you know you’re in a going out mood, it’s a less disappointing way to live. I rarely have any expectations of myself and just act spontaneously. Maybe your girlfriend would appreciate you surprising her by saying “c’mon (insert name) I am whisking you off to (insert sent place) and we are going right now!” 😂

        Liked by 2 people

        1. Mindfump

          You are absolutely right Summer. I suppose rather unromantically and practically that isn’t possible, due to my work. I rarely have time off when my girlfriend does, so there is often a bit of pressure to do things at a certain time. Although I totally agree with the sentiment, I shall endeavour to do so that is for sure.

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Chicken Risotto

    I have every confidence that you will manage it Mindfump, when the time is right! There are many days when I don’t manage to succeed at the challenges I set myself, but every attempt is valuable, but sometimes it is just not the right day. Then, out of nowhere, a good day appears and everything clicks into place and I take a step forward. I’m sure the same is true for you, so don’t beat yourself up about it, just wait for another day and try again 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Mindfump

      Thank you Chicken Risotto. I really hope things click into place soon. I just want a good run of a couple of months, get some momentum or something. Also I must say I’ve really enjoyed your series this week about the week of appointments. I mean I enjoy your blog anyway but they really had me hooked.


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