#52 Depression – ‘I Feel Like a Baby’

 

Children, as a rule, must learn. They have to learn, because they literally don’t know anything. They kind of bumble around hurting themselves, spilling paint and eating dog food, until it makes them feel bad or until someone tells them it is bad. I should point out at this point that I have no kids and I have done zero research, but I’m fairly confident that is all children do.

The most interesting part though is that they seem to have these binary responses; a child falls over and scrapes their knee, and it is instant meltdown. Does it need to be cut off?* Is this the end? Who shall I give my Lego Brick Bounty Pirate Ship to? Taken at such a young age – how tragic.

My girlfriend told me a story of two happy bouncy boys who were suddenly silenced, looking forlorn. After some brief but concerned questioning the boys said confidently that they were going to die. They had gotten ink on their skin, and they’d heard of this thing called ‘Ink Poisoning’, so they were just silently waiting out their final hours.

Today I feel much better.

Depression keeps me on my toes. Just like a baby bumping its head, theres that moment of pause. Everyone around stops for a split second, even the baby stops. Everyone looks at the baby to see how it responds. Everyone knows the bump is not life threatening – but does the baby know?

Oh, nope. I need new ear drums.

The last two days were kind of that pause, that moment when you hit your head. Yes, its painful – but how bad is it going to be? Depression keeps me ignorant of my feelings; is it just a bad mood or a bad phase? I feel so automatic, one moment of feeling down and the world is ending. I guess I just need reassurance sometimes. Giving away my Lego Brick Bounty Pirate Ship was probably a little premature though.

Mindfump.

*My Dad would regularly say various body parts would need to be amputated. ‘If you’re crying that much it must be really bad, we’ll have to take it off’ – Didn’t cry much after that as it turns out.

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Brain Review: Mindfump.

 

17 Comments

  1. Miriam Kalliomaki

    Hope you have a better day. It’s tough but I think that writing it down helps and if you reread what you have written you can sort of observe it instead of just experiencing it. Looking at it you can analyze and say No today I won’t be as depressed. I’ll just be a little depressed! Hopefully this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. S. Hansen

    Thanks for the pirate ship! I love lego.
    You know i have this theory that kids only pause because they need to be told how to react. They fall over and hurt themselves, but they don’t know what to do about it so they wait and find out from the parents if it’s bad. If the parent starts making a fuss it must be bad so cry, if they just put you back upright again it must be fine, no crying necessary. Though that is until kids learn that crying = attention :/
    But my mum’s theory on how to test if a kid is injured is tried and tested though, so I know what to do.
    Will smarties make it better Mindfump?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mindfump

      You are welcome, you better look after that ship.
      haha it is true about kids though, they literally have no idea. They just go through these automatic things until someone says it is ok. Smarties make everything better and I know, I was going to include the little guy but didn’t want to shoe horn it in.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. S. Hansen

        Yeah I thought smarties made everything better… til I bit a chunk out of my tongue. I took the smarties and happily ate them so mum figured all good. Next day… not so good. Couldn’t eat smarties the next day 😦 Even though I wanted to.
        I still think it’s the best way to see how much it really hurts.
        Yeah it woulda been difficult to get your brain in that one. Unless it was playing with the bricks, but I’m not sure it would have been worth the effort just to appease me 😛

        Like

  3. Jodie Rogers

    I love reading your posts. I love the way you combine, what you’d think to be, 2 unremarkable things and make them relatable (if that makes sense!) Thank you for sharing 🙂

    Like

      1. bipolarsojourner

        yeabut, sometimes it’s hard for the 3yo or 8yo to discern the difference. young minds are malleable. okay, the next part is in jest. they go through life fearful that every time they prick their finger that they will lose their arm.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Mindfump

          I think that is a slight overreaction, delivery of jokes is all important. Children as well as adults can get jokes. I don’t think children would ever grow up thinking they’re going to lose a limb after joking with their parents about it. Although we do let parents indoctrinate children to become scared of a non existent man in the sky. That is never said in jest.

          Like

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