#53 Interest – ‘And The Lack There Of’

18th February 2001, I was right there. The King was in his castle,  he was surrounded by 2 stone walls and I’d reached the Imperial Age yet again. I used the recent technological advancements to build Bombard Towers all the way around the castle, and the King was safe. That was my Age of Empires 2: The Conquerers strategy; build walls, cheat, and ultimately, protect the King. A very similar strategy to a modern day American president*.

I was always the ambitious underdog – albeit the underdog with cash cheats playing on easy mode – but the underdog nevertheless. Once I knew the King was safe, I would build a secret army away from the castle and when I say build a secret army I mean type: ‘HOW DO YOU TURN THIS ON’. That would spawn a Shelby Cobra, which I was finally able to release back into its natural habitat; the middle ages. Once I’d built up an army of Shelby Cobras and my King was entombed to a point of invincibility, my little underdog army of 20th Century sport cars equipped with the best cannons in the game, would bravely advance onto the battle field – and obliterate every thing in their path.

Although something changed. I’d entombed the King as usual.  I’d spawned the cars as usual and began obliterating every settlement I came across, just like always. That is when it hit me; I’d lost interested, I monotonously and methodically won the game again. And again. And again. I didn’t enjoy it anymore.

Today was a day of disinterested and no joy.

I feel like I’ve had this day before. Wake up, work, wait for the next job, work, wait for the next job, work, go home, eat, write and sleep. I had no interest in any of that today, I’ve done that day before. I don’t know how many more of those days I want, I want more variety. I want to play Commando 2: Men of Courage,  Max Payne or Command and Conquer: Yuris Revenge. Why am I playing the same game over and over again?

I’m not even that good at this game.

So I just don’t know today, the frustration has made me determined enough to change something, but I don’t know what to change. I have this rare ball of determination and I need to push it in the right direction. I feel like the ambitious underdog once again, but with no cash cheats or Shelby Cobras to clear my path to victory.


*Not going to say which one.


Read more, its good for you.

Thank you – Milestone Achieved!

#41 Charlie – ‘Dealing With Disappointment’

#25 Swimming – ‘That’ll Be Fun!’




  1. S. Hansen

    And there I was thinking myself a military strategy genius for coming up with this plan… not as original as I thought, damn…
    I very much feel the pain of monotony, it’s one of the things that causes my deeper depressive swings. It’s best if I don’t spend too long thinking about the life that lays ahead of me and it’s pointlessness on a cosmic scale.
    I want to suggest something really useful to push your determination into, but I just keep thinking about video games so, umm, perhaps not very helpful.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Mindfump

      One of my earliest memories as a kid is lying in bed realising after death there was nothingness forever. That equally inspires me and depresses me in equal measure. Still didn’t distract me from Age of Empires 2 though…

      Liked by 1 person

      1. S. Hansen

        There are very few things that can distract your from Age of Empires when your on a mission to dominate the known world. I think dinner is about the only thing, and even that’s only because your mum is shouting up the stairs to you…


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