A volcano is as destructive as it is beautiful; beautiful for its aesthetic but also its journey. Often taking hundreds of thousands or even millions of years to get to the point of explosion. Volcanos are very much the Ron Jeremy of the natural world. True creativity for me is an explosion of colour and inspiration, it happens rarely but ultimately when it does it makes the next occurrence much more difficult.
You see there is a process here, a geological one, and with my complete lack of geological knowledge I will now confidently and comprehensively explain it in accurate detail.
At the centre of this process is the hot magma core of Earth, and it is bursting to get out. That is the creativity. That is where the gold is. Around that core of creativity are layers and layers of monotony, layers of average, plain old mud and rock – sorry geologists rocks just don’t do it for me. These layers are paying bills, buying groceries, listening to Justin Bieber or reading a red top. Pointless distractions that absorb time and energy. Yes we can avoid some here and there, but who are you to tell me to stop listening to Justin Bieber?
Then we reach the next layer; humanity as a whole, and its fantastic ability to be idiotic whilst equipped with the most intelligent hardware in the galaxy (if not the universe). It both depresses me and suppresses me in equal measure. Creativity is no longer a valuable tool to society, it’s pulled out like a cheap party trick – ‘oh, do you know Tom from accounts? he can play guitar!’. Also in this layer you will find; economics, common attitudes to common problems, politics, societal norms and the list goes on.
Even if my creative core explodes to the surface – as seems to be the only way – it soon cools and becomes the very thing which suppresses me. It becomes a hardened crust, an extra layer that just stays there obstructively. I look back at my previous work like an ever-expanding mound, and the only path to pure creativity gets further and further away.
Given my absence yesterday and my general lack of enthusiasm for anything creative, I’m certainly in a cooling phase right now. The lava is hardening and I need some new inspiration, something different. Maybe I just need to have a break,
have a KitKat.
The problem is I feel like the longer I take a break for, the more distance that comes between me and true creativity*. The extra distance seems to decrease the quality of the things I do. The lack of quality and the lack of creative inspiration is adding to my depression. So right now I just feel depressed, suppressed and surmeshed*.
I am hopeful though, hopeful in a slightly detached manner. The same way you’re hopeful when you see a large person running for a bus. I am learning to trust myself to grow, even if it is negative growth for the time being. I always wondered what would happen if I got really low whilst blogging, like now. Turns out I just take a day off then harp on about volcanos and layers for 8 paragraphs.
*Not a real word but I wanted something to rhyme with suppressed.
*I know my volcano analogy doesn’t really fit with this part, but short of me being an actual volcano you’ll just have to accept some bits won’t make sense.
P.S Thank you for all the messages of concern and support. It really makes things easier have great people looking out for me. You’re the best.