On average it takes someone 28 hours of driving lessons to pass a driving test*, and not to brag or anything, but I did mine in 27 hours. A friend of mine likes to remind us all that it took him about 45 minutes to pass his test, because he is funny. Not long after passing my test though, I moved away. So I didn’t really get many opportunities to drive. The knowledge was undoubtedly in there, I had a certificate to prove it and everything.
After a couple of years of little driving I moved to Los Angeles. It was new and exciting, and there were lots of new people to meet and endless places to visit, how marvellous. My new group of friends suggested a trip to San Francisco. Great! I’d never been before.
“How are we going to get there?” I said.
“You can drive” They said.
I mean, they were right. Technically I could drive, and they knew that. I’d already proudly shown them my certificate and wore my driving license in a lanyard around my neck*. So that was that. I would drive 5 hours from Los Angeles to San Francisco. Great!
The big day arrived and I went to pick up the rental car. I didn’t want to panic the other passengers about my lack of experience or about the absolute horror show playing through my mind. So I played it cool with the rental car guy by saying the traffic was rough that day.
“Didn’t you walk here?” He said.
“Yeah… but from the path things were lookin’… you know what its like, same old LA’ I said.
Yeah, styled it out. No one would ever know. So I get the keys, the friends jump in the car and that was it, we were off. Well, almost. It was a button start ignition, and I spent the next 3-5 minutes pretending to adjust my seat while secretly searching for the place to put the key. During this time I pressed the car lock button twice, which set off the alarm as my friend tried to open the door. In a panic to press the unlock button I dropped the key, I reached down to grab it and on the way back up knocked the window wipers on with my head.
I think it is fair to say I put everyone at ease that day, I’d achieved my goals. OK, not quite, but I’d been out the driving game too long, and now I have found I have been out of the healthy body game for too long. I’ve been sick for what seems like 2 trimesters – I have news though.
I’ve finally recovered!
The illness is going, I feel much better! But feeling sick for so long has made me forget how to operate a normal body. All I have done lately is roll around on my couch in discomfort, which now seems like something I shouldn’t continue. I’m like a toddler sat in the seat of his uncles tractor. I’m not entirely sure what to do with myself. How do I be happy again? How do I be productive? How does this work? I still haven’t found the start button.
*That is not a true fact.
*I did not in fact do this.
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