Enjoying the blog? You can now follow it on facebook
Pain is a measurable thing and there a million* different ways to measure it. The method I use is called the ‘BryFry Scale’. It based on a real person, called Bryan Fry, who has purposely got him self stung and bitten by pretty much every animal on the planet. On the Mindfump Scale of worst jobs that ranks his job 3rd, behind an apprentice Sumo wrestler, who’s job it is to wipe the backside of the senior members, and a pet food taster – someone has to do it*.
Now, given that the attention span of the modern human is less than 12 seconds and human curiosity has over taken a cats curiosity, I will tell you. It is the Box jellyfish. On the BryFry Scale, the Box Jellyfish is the most painful animal in the world.
OK, thats that out the way, on to serious business.
I would never proclaim to have a new number one to go on the list. I mean, I’ve never even been near a Box jellyfish or had to talk to Donald Trump, but I think it is safe to say we have a new entrant in the top 10.
Yesterday I was hit by a wave of depression and it hasn’t gone away, its lingering, malingering and stingering*. Add to that, a massive migraine developed during work and that means you’ve landed somewhere between a Bullet Ant bite and a lick from a Redback spider. To be an eligible entry onto the Offical BryFry scale though, you need to submit a colourful description of the pain. For example the description associated with a Stingray sting is ‘It’s venom causes mind blowing pain. It should be called a ‘give-me-a-gun-and-I’ll-shoot-myself-ray‘.
A migraine/depression combo is not so much an immediate pain, as a one which has worn you down from from the inside out. You once stood proudly like the Great Sphinx and you are now just the frumpy remains of 3 year olds overly dry pathetic excuse for a sandcastle. A sandcastle which is then stamped on repeatedly by a drunk uncle who was only invited to the beach because his brother believed it would help him recover. He doesn’t, but not only that, as a result of the jumping, he slips and knocks hot coffee, a really weak hot coffee that was strained through a sock, over your head – thats the headache part.
I think that has earned its place on the BryFry Scale. Somewhere around 4th or 5th position would be appropriate, I don’t know if only the real Bryan Fry can induct new entrants though. I’m also not quite sure if he has had depression and a migraine at the same time before. I guess I’ll have to call him over and give him a bite. It is his job after all.
*There are not a million ways to do this.
*Literally just made that up.
*Interestingly, they don’t get animals to taste the food.
*Just made that word up.
Read more, its good for you.