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Depression is very much in flux, there are ups and down, when relatively important moments come around sometimes I just have to cross my fingers and hope it is a good day. Thankfully on the day of a job interview 7 years ago there was one such day. It was an interview for an insurance company. I walk into the room and the first thing the interview said was ‘talk about yourself for 20 minutes.’
The guy stopped me after 25 minutes – ‘alright, alright, yeah we get it’.*
His second question was, ‘Are you strong?’ Theres not a lot of context there, but given my mental health, I wouldn’t consider myself to be mentally strong no. Also I wouldn’t want to completely discount my physicality, but put me in a fight to the death with three puppies, and I I reckon I’d be able to fend for myself for upwards of 4 minutes.
I said neither of those things however. Being in a confident upbeat mood I decided to recant a couple of stories in which I thought I was developing super powers. Obviously.
You see as a child I would extrapolate vast conclusions from not a lot of evidence, something I would later learn is called Trumpism. An example of this was when I was about 8. One day in school we were watching a simple science demonstration about evaporation. Three beakers; big, medium and small. The same amount of water was poured into each. The teacher asked which would evaporate the quickest, it was at this point that I confidently and bashfully guessed the big one, which was to the surprise of all my classmates, who picked the small one. The teacher then informed the class that it was I, who was in fact correct.
It was official. Science genius.
I changed schools shortly after that, and I was asked about my science acumen. I confidently stated that it was my best subject, challenge me on the science of water evaporation and you’ll see my challengers evaporate quicker than… well water in a big beaker. Needless to say guessing one question right, a scientist does not make, and I went on to fail science that year.
Around the same time I used to love riding my bike. My Dad and I would sit out in front of our house fixing it when it inevitably broke. This time it was the breaks. They had completely locked tight after removing the wheel. We couldn’t get the wheel on again unless we pulled the breaks apart. Too strong for any (mortal) man, my dad resigned immediately to go into the house to find a suitable tool. This was my moment. I set to task, and before my dad returned I’d pulled them apart and put the wheel back on. Cue my dad returning in amazement.
Now obviously superheroes typically save lives and catch burning aeroplanes out of the sky but let’s get a bit of perspective here, I was 8 years old. Back off.
You want more evidence? Ok.
The same year my school built a fence around the school, presumably because it wasn’t prison like enough already. It was a slatted fence and whilst walking along the perimeter one day with the sun behind it, I noticed flashes of Sun that would leave a reddish image in my sight for a few seconds. I didn’t know how to react to the first stages of laser sight but I figured I would let the superpower developed further before speaking to the Government.
Today I am happy, I’m in a robust mood, even a strong mood you could say. I wouldn’t say I am in a period of mania, or if I am, it is the most mundane period of mania I’ve ever had. I’m in high spirits though and I feel like I can do anything. I should preface that by saying that does not include doing laundry or other menial tasks.
I think it comes down to being myself, and that is why today reminds me of that particular interview. I really did talk about those stories in the interview and I think on many other days I wouldn’t of done, but why not? They are true and they are a reflection of me. Interviews – now that you ask – are at best superficial, so to be so comfortable with myself at that stage I know looking back I must of been feeling good. That is what is happening today, I feel good and I want to be myself, and most importantly I am being myself. Unfortunately that is not a superhero with superpowers – I did get the job though.
*If there is one thing I am an expert on in the world, it is me.