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It is fair to say I have never been a major player in the ‘alternative’ medicine scene. The major stumbling block was that it doesn’t work, has no scientific basis whatsoever and takes us back by 400 years. Obviously, being a fair minded individual though, I would never discount something without trying it first.
When I was younger I found an old stack of dusty papers under my grandparents floorboards, and on them there seemed to be a recipe. It said to be effective, you need to boil a cauldron of frogs feet, a child’s tooth, a labradors arm pit and a lock of Donald Trump’s hair. The consumer of such a potion would be then be transformed. I tried it on my brother and he immediately turned into a clock, which explains why later in life, in times of hunger, he’d always go back four seconds.*
That was the moment I gave up on alternative medicine, he was supposed to turn into a frog. The recipe was rubbish. Years later though whilst visiting my grandparents brother and sisters, one of them noticed I had bags around my eyes*. She took off her wedding ring and began gently rubbing it under my eye. I wasn’t quite sure how this would help, but she reassured me and told me that it would definitely cure the bags under my eyes.
Her confidence never wavered though, despite a lack of results. She always maintained the wedding ring could do things modern medicine could not. Unfortunately we never saw much of her after that, and I never knew what happened to her or the ring.
That was until today, when I noticed that the BBC reported that a cure for depression has been found. Naturally, I’m always a little sceptical when I see headlines like that, mainly because depression is such a wide ranging illness, but also people could just be using the title for click bait…*
The detail in the article is what really grabbed me, they said a group of scientists had been sent a ring to analyse. This ring had been due to be melted down after it was sold to a jewellers, no matter what they tried it just wouldn’t melt. It baffled the scientists for weeks as all tests just showed that it was made of low grade gold. It should melt.
After weeks of analysis, one of the scientists who had suffered from mental health problems her whole life, and for the benefit of this made up story was very open about it with her employers. Her employers by the way did not judge or suppress mental health issues amongst their employees, in fact they even had mental health days when you could be off work with no questions asked. It was a very progressive work environment where the needs of the employees were put above the need for profit. That lady in question though suddenly started reporting a miraculous improvement in her mental health. It turns out that she had been holding the ring around her finger one day and got an itchy eye, and in itching her eye she rubbed the ring under her eyelid – Just like had been done to me!
The cure was been found, and from a completely unscientific, unprovable method no less.
So I admit I was wrong, wrong about alternative medicine. Not only that, I was wrong to judge my grandfathers sister in that way. It is nice to know there is a cure for depression though, I’d say it has definitely perked me up a bit, even if I have had to eat a significant amount of humble pie. I am not even a big pie person when I choose the filling, so imagine my dismay in this scenario.
*Not even apologising for that one.
*Took every bone in my body to not say a terrible joke here. Commend me in the comments.
*I’d obviously never do that.