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When I was younger I spent 90% of my life outside, or so it seemed. I’d run in for a Turkey Twizzler occasionally and maybe a glass of Robinsons, but generally I was out and about. My friends and I would do anything and everything to keep ourselves entertained; climbing trees, jumping over the nursing home fence and annoying the old people, play football, play armies, compare penis size and a personal favourite; we’d play Fox and Hounds.
Fox and Hounds is a memorable one, and provided the stage for a pivotal moment in my life. The game was simple; our group would split into foxes and hounds, and hounds would hunt the foxes. We could pretty much go anywhere we liked, although the alley next to Sam’s house was out of bounds, and the road next to ‘The Flats’ was as well.
On one particular occasion I was a fox, and therefore hiding. I’d ran right up the road and was well out of the danger zone. The rest of the foxes though had gone down the road, so I was alone, and exposed. The road was long and had dense bushes and trees down one side next to the path. I could see vague figures lurking around the bushes, which I assumed were the hounds. My aim was to get past them and reach the safety of my other foxes.
[Super Master Plan Engage]
I decided to take off my Adidas jacket, throw it over my shoulder and walk down the path towards them like a boat salesman with purpose. I would then just walk past them in plain sight and use my confidence as camouflage.
They spotted me immediately.
It was at this point that I realised that I was in fact incredibly short sighted. I couldn’t see anything unless it was right under my nose. Up until this point though, I did not know I had an eye sight problem, I just assumed everyone had this vision. Like we got this far through evolution and stopped selecting based on what we could see… which, to be honest, explains rather a lot of the spawn in my local area.
Ultimately, I had been walking down the path with my jacket over my shoulder debuting a confident swagger, under the impression they would just see a shadowy figure, which couldn’t possibly be me. Mindfump could not possibly put a jacket over his shoulder and mince down the road.
The confidence is what sticks in my mind from that day. That, and the fact I was blind, but the confidence more so because I was 100% convinced in my abilities as a fox. Today I feel like a fox. I am striding confidently, although it should be noted that my jacket is not over my shoulder*. Just like that day as a kid, I am not sure where the confidence is coming from, but I feel like I should embrace it again. I am sure I am being short sighted in someway, I’m sure everyone will see through this facade of confidence, but maybe I should just ride it out. Who knows maybe I will make it to the other side with the other foxes… or get ravaged by a pack of hounds.
*Not because of any reasons related to fashion – it is just a bit cold not to wear it.
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