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I was a dippy egg and soldiers boy at heart, and it always mystified me how my mum was able to cook the egg yoke to the perfect consistency without being able to see it. I one day envisaged a moment when I would reach a certain age and my mum would transfer the knowledge. It never came and as a result I turned into a straight hard boiled egg boy – with a side of sad toast.
Later in my life I went through a strong Doritos and dip phase, ideally a ‘Tex Mex’ Tesco 4 way combo. Unsurprisingly this also coincided with the least fit and least healthy phase of my life. Throughout my life I’ve also watched my football teams have a dip in form
every season occasionally. Then theres the countless times I’ve went for a dip in the sea, which may sound innocuous, but when you’re from the north of England, a trip to the beach is an act of bravery. In many ways back then I was very brave; braver than a fire man or even a soldier*.
One illness I have had to battle my whole life is known as ‘Dippy Head Syndrome (DHS)’ and this occurs when your body has decided you are too tired to be in control of a human and begins to shut down – whether you like it or not. What you do though, as this internal battle rages, you gain brief moments of consciousness. You briefly emerge from this battle like Neo in the Matrix, only to be unplugged again moments later. You will sleep.
This exhaustion and Dippy Head Syndrome has a cause today and that was the man coming to fix the bathroom. Unbeknownst to us we have been flooding our downstairs neighbours bathroom for about a month. The leak was fixed weeks ago but we had to dry out the bathroom, which required an industrial dehumidifier to run 24 hours a day for 10 days. Now, I like my bathroom de-humidified as much as the next person but in a small apartment that noise may begin to grate a little. After a couple of days it just morphed into a wall of white noise, which is annoying because I’m more of a pink noise person*.
Uninterestingly* though it wasn’t the white noise that caused my exhaustion but rather it is the unrelenting and dedicated Austrian plumbers who only seem to work between the hours of 6am and 7:37am. For weeks I have had to wake up to let them in. Including today when they finally took back their de-humidifier. It was too much, it equated to around 3 and half hours sleep, well shy of my regular 12.
All day; sitting on the couch – dippy head, sitting on the metro – dippy head, teaching kids – dippy head. That is around 5kg of weight dipping, I’m going to wake up tomorrow with a neck like Mike Tyson. A long sleep is in order, but I cancelled my Amazon Prime subscription and it won’t get here for a few days. Oh well, as Neo once said ‘The gap between a good sleep and a bad sleep can be easily bridged with a simple leep’*.
*Not a dippy egg toast soldier.
*This is actually a thing. I didn’t realise all sounds are colour coded. The joys of self-education.
*Interesting is a broad term.
*He didn’t say anything like this ever. I should be barred from writing when I’m this tired.
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