#143 Gaining Weight – ‘Being Productive Is Unhealthy’

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Being a slender man* with a fast metabolism I often channel my inner Al Gore and abuse this rather convenient truth and make documentaries eat whatever I like when I like. It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I realised that this option was not available for everyone else. My sympathy didn’t run very far but it did make me pause for thought between my 6th and 7th donuts.

I just never gain weight.

Given the vastly different approaches I’ve taken in my life, from eating junk food daily to training for an Ironman 6 days a week, my weight just never changes. I’ve always had a 5kg range with which my body says ‘yeah this feels fine, think I’ll just stay here’. And it does.

Just because I don’t gain weight however does not mean I don’t want to eat healthily, obviously gaining weight is only one of the negatives. If I eat too many donuts for instance I find it difficult to motivate myself after the sugar crash to go back to the donut shop to buy more donuts. Or when I used to drink carbonated sugary drinks from companies that rhyme with Boca Mola, I’d feel foggy and groggy. Then theres the regular occasions I’ve woken up to the realisation that I am in fact an actual prune. The salty rich foods from the night before have absorbed so much water that if I had any energy left I’d report the theft to my local constabulary.

I’ve largely changed this approach though, and having a vegan (now ex) girlfriend basically means I have to start getting excited about things like cashew nuts, spinach and Almonds. Although I should also say that almonds are abundant in Tryptophan and Magnesium, both of which make you tired. Despite this I think eating healthier is the way, maybe I will just stay away from the almonds.

Staying away from almonds and junk food I started the productivity diet today. It is a rather simple diet to follow, you just need to be productive. Which is like saying; to have some success you just need to be successful, or to be fast you just need to be quick, or to be a damaged sociopathic narcissist you just need to be Donald Trump.

I was in fact productive today and I learned two things from it. The first thing is that my kitchen looks so much better with a sanded parquet floor than with cheap lino. Secondly productivity is very tiring, I managed to clean, wash, tidy, sand, recycle, dispose, vacuum, read, write, socialise and eat today. Very productive I am sure you will agree, but for the second realisation I had to put to use my 10 year old introductory philosophy course deductive reasoning to good use, and discover this;

Almonds are nuts*.

Eating almonds makes me tired.

Being productive makes me tired.

Productivity is nuts.

So there we have it productivity is officially nuts, something we have long suspected – clearly a crazy idea not worth your time. Unless you want a lovely sanded parquet floor of course.


*A thin person not the character from a horror story. 

*This is actually not true, Almonds are not nuts but actually catagorised as ‘Drupes’.

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  1. Becca

    LAIMO (Laugh Alone in My Office) at “If I eat too many donuts for instance I find it difficult to motivate myself after the sugar crash to go back to the donut shop to buy more donuts.”

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ibizagoldgirl

    Do you remember the Sm*rnoff Ice (nothing rhymes) ad: ‘Beware the judder man’ – sorry thats what came to mind!!
    Im fat and I do not lose weight or gain it either, I used to be a ballerina and started a running/yoga/ballet combo at 30 – whatever I do the battle to eat ‘healthily’ is confusing as I get more happiness from a beautifully crafted cake than anything else …. er oops


  3. MrsMAD4

    Nice post. I empathise with you as I have the same issue – fast metabolism – so find losing weight a lot easier than gaining. I actually just wrote about this on my blog.

    Do you keep a diary of what you’re now doing in terms of eating and healthier diet? I’m definitely all for eating more and eating healthy so please feel free to share if you’ve got one.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. MrsMAD4

        I haven’t kept a diary but think I should. So far over the past year I’ve made a conscious effort not to skip meals regardless of what I’ feeling or doing (when I’m stressed or busy I tend to lose my appetite). I also started increasing my food portions to stretch my stomach a bit. That’s probably not scientifically correct but don’t know how else to say it. Previously once I felt full I would stop eating (and it wouldn’t take much for me to get to that point) but as I pushed myself to have a few more mouthfuls, the portion sizes I now feel comfortable with has increased. Small things, small steps but my weight has reasonably increased over the past year.

        My next step is to add more vegetables into my diet especially when I’m itching for a sugary fix.


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