It is currently 2017 A.D. Now, I originally thought that meant ‘After Death’, as in, after the death of Jesus Christ
Superstar. Turns out that is not the case, it represents his birth and is actually an abbreviation of the latin words ‘Amno Domini’, which I think was the name of the man who founded the famous Dominos Pizza chain*. Before that time though the era is referred to as ‘B.C’, which means ‘Before Christ’. However, given the rigour by which Christianity was founded, they managed to get his birth year wrong. So in fact, Jesus was born in the year 4 B.C – historically speaking this means he was born 4 years before he was born.
So the Christians got off to a bad start, but at least in the following 2000 years they have managed to established themselves as a credible source of historical fact*.
Fast forward 34 years though, to Friday March 22nd 30 A.D and Jesus is in a bad spot, the worst in fact. He is dead, in a tomb. It wasn’t a surprise however, as the author of the Bible decided to foreshadow a little and mess with the literary form of that time. He revealed his fate early.
In the book – The Bible – whilst Jesus is preparing for his death, his disciple Paul says ‘Get rid of the old yeast that you may be a new batch without yeast’. Now, this is actually a reference to the ‘Parmesan Crisis’ in Italy between 23-30 A.D. Yeast has a similar consistency to Parmesean cheese and was used as a substitute during the shortages, and what Paul was saying to Jesus is; ‘I’ve heard cheese makers in Bologna and Parma have hired extra staff to remove stresses in the supply chain of Parmesean cheese, so when you’re back from the dead you won’t have to have the yeast substitute on your Carbonara anymore.’
Jesus was relieved.
He was also relieved for other reasons, because on Sunday the 24th of March 30 A.D he rose from the dead and was able to have Parmesan cheese on his Carbonara – although out of respect for his Dad all shops were closed on Sunday, so he had to wait another day, much to his annoyance.
So it has been 11 days since I posted anything on the blog, which is impressive given that I posted 251 times in the previous 147 days. Obviously Jesus only managed 3 days away*, and as far as I’m aware he was very inconsistent with his blog posts, but that doesn’t make me better than him – regardless of what you may think. But I am back and like Jesus, I am here to spread the word, although I should point out that my word isn’t about my Dad*. Its more about mental health and, well, cheese apparently. But the bottom line is I will be back into the swing of things from today, and posting every day.
When presented with a lack of information us humans love nothing more than to apply our own meaning and projections onto things. Such as using the words of Paul to extrapolate the information regarding the little known but devastating Parmesan cheese crisis in Italy between 23-30 A.D. Something which is actually no less true than the rest of that chapter in The Bible. So please make of my 11 day absence as you wish, and if you want to create a 2000 year old chocolate egg tradition in my honour, I would not complain.
*Not entirely sure.
*More like 1 full day and a half a day, if we are being honest.
*Although my Dad is great.
P.S Thanks for all the lovely messages I recieved in my absence – I apologise if I haven’t yet got back to you.