159 // Not Everyone Can Deal With Hot Weather

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OK, the evidence is beginning to stack up now. Not only are there no mirrors or garlic in my apartment but I’ve spent the last few days with the curtains drawn so as not to let a single sun beam through the window. And it has worked, unfortunately for me though the Sun has heated up the air outside and my curtains don’t have the ability to stop air, which is both a curse and a blessing because I need it to survive. Oh cruel world, why do you forsake me?

I’m not entirely convinced I’m a vampire though, regardless of the similarities. The difference is primarily in our diets I think. Today for instance I had falafel wraps, but even if I had a fry up, I’d probably just push the black pudding* around the plate anyway. Black pudding is OK, but I certainly wouldn’t risk a hash brown by eating the black pudding first – what if I’m full after the black pudding? Chaos.

That’s me covered then, but what about you? I can’t say definitively whether you are or are not a vampire but thankfully the guys at www.vampirewebsite.net have got you covered. They managed to survey a bunch of vampires, which should help you to determine if you are one or not. I haven’t analysed the methodology of the survey extensively but I noticed one question on there was;

Does words ‘Come out side its a nice sunny day’ seem bad?

So yep, pretty water tight to me.*

Alright, the weather is sweltering at the moment and being a British person, I have had to channel my inner vampire and complain about it every 2 minutes. It’s just the surprise of it all I suppose, I mean, it catches you off guard. Like the guy in Austin Powers getting run over. One minute it’s Winter, then all of a sudden without warning over a 3 month period of progressively warmer weather, it’s Summer.

Bam. Deal with that.

Well, I don’t. I don’t even own a pair of sunglasses – squinting is free after all. I also only own one pair of shorts, which are definitely not suitable for teaching. So I typically just go around squinting and sweating profusely in what would be best described as my early Spring collection. I can just about stand it though, but if it gets any hotter you have permission to shoot me, just make sure it is a silver bullet – you never know

Paul Green

*Black pudding is fried pigs blood, very common in the full English breakfast.

*Please let me know after answering the questions if you are a vampire.

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67 Comments

  1. TracyEllen Carson Webb

    The jury is still out on whether I am a vampire or not. The Pacific Northwest seems to be a good place for them to live. They even made a movie or 2 about a bunch a few years back. I love to sleep all day and be up all night. I don’t like the sun. It makes me break out in a rash. The doctor says it’s the meds I’m on, but…? I didn’t get to finish all the questions. It’s daytime and I keep falling asleep.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sleepproject

    sorry for the belated comment but I thought you’d like this: yesterday (UK) walking home from the shop I overheard two teenagers referring to the heat as “F*ck-It-Weather”. Had to stop myself lolling, will definitely be borrowing that expression.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ahotcupofteasite

    I can so relate to this. I am not a hot weather person. I live in a very sunny country so I know I must look like a crazy person to everyone’s eyes whenever I express my feelings Summer in general. Also, being a person that struggles with anxiety and panic attacks, I also have to say it doesn’t help at all to feel damp and suffocating all the time. Bring on the snowy weather, a good movie, hot coco and a blanket.

    Liked by 1 person

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