To some people the Kinder Surprise is a small chocolate egg with a toy inside, to others it is a badge of honour, a reward greater than any medal; if you have one, you know you’ve done something right. Or, you’re an over weight adult who can’t let go of the past. Either way it is pretty damn good.
Kinder is a German word meaning ‘children’, which would mean the translated name is ‘Children Surprise’, how quaint. Except the chocolate egg is not made by a country that speaks German, surprisingly it is made by an Italian company, and they speak Italianese or something. So what we have is half of the title in German, and half of it in English, originally for an Italian market – and some people say multiculturalism doesn’t work.
It is a controversial chocolate though, and as a result it has been banned in… one country. The United States have the right to protect its citizens in all fairness, and so it should. This highly dangerous chocolate egg has killed 3 children since it was created 30 years ago. Think of all the American lives saved by such quick intervention. Thankfully firearms, which are not banned, have only killed 1,018,357 Americans in the same period.
So if you survive the opening of the foil wrapper and dare to crack open the chocolate egg, you will find your surprise. Now, not to burst your
egg bubble here, but the toys are pretty disappointing, however, I should point out that I’m not exactly their target market here. You’ll be opening your egg to typically find a figurine or a small assembly toy which will keep a child entertained for upwards of 2 minutes.*
A little know fact though is that the disappointing toys inside the eggs are actually very collectable – something the company didn’t really understand for about 20 years. As a result of this they never kept a real record of what they were putting into which eggs*. In the post-2004 era of Kinder Surprise the company decided to ‘re-cast’ old toys and document them properly. The re-casted toys were put into eggs intended for sale in… yep, Poland, The country I’m currently visiting – and that concludes today’s tedious link.
Well, almost. You see, when my girlfriend and I decided to go to Auschwitz we knew we would stay in Poland for a few days, but after all my zero research and general ambivalence towards Poland, I genuinely never expected it to be such a beautiful country. Krakow, where we are staying, is simply stunning*. Not to mention the atmosphere is relaxed and welcoming – something I’ve been wishing for. I’d highly recommend a visit, you’re in for a real Erwachsene Surprise!*
*Actual times may vary.
*Originally intended to be a joke about Jay-Z’s infidelity, but it didn’t really work.
*A real blogger would have a photo gallery to prove it, but I’m not and I don’t. Trust is an undervalued asset.
*Translates to Adult Surprise, unsurprisingly.
P.S The artwork today was created by Richard Yates, who posts all sorts of artwork over on his site Primitive Entertainment. I like people who, when feeling creative, do whatever they feel like, when they feel like it, and Richard seems to do exactly that. Go check out his site and if you want to have any artwork featured on a post, feel free to contact me and we can take it from there.