176 // The Art of Compromise

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I’m the wrong man for the job, I am. This compromising thing is not as easy it seems. Especially for an ‘art’, the art of compromise. I mean, I’m good at art. I got an A* at GCSE level in secondary school. Mr. Collard said my work was some of the best he had ever seen. I said ‘surely I am the best you have ever seen?’ he said ‘no, not really, ok, I’d say you’re in the top 3’. In contrast to me, Mr. Collard was quite the compromiser.

I like to think my lack of compromise comes from some sort of deep artistic integrity where true original artwork is the poster child for the art of uncompromising. In all likelihood it is probably just a deep seated stubbornness for not wanting to be proved wrong. Thankfully I can stubbornly admit that I am stubborn, because on this occasion I am right.

What I am going to do now though, is take full responsibility for my stubbornness and then responsibly pass that on to someone else. You see, its not my fault. It is Frank Sinatra’s. He sang ‘I Did It My Way’, which ushers images of determination, individuality, dreams, achievement and originality. When I do it my way, I’m labeled stubborn, uncompromising and difficult. Theres no winning. I trusted you Frank.

OK, so what have I been stubborn about today? Well, its very similar to artistic integrity and striving for dreams regardless of what others think. I had a hole in my jumper and my girlfriend suggested I should change it because friends are visiting, but I refused – repeatedly, on the grounds I am 28 and can dress myself.

Whilst the last part of that paragraph is true, it is, in all fairness, missing an adverb; terribly. The jumper* was short, faded and had a big hole under the armpit. In a gallant defence I managed to link my jumper wearing to all manner of things, such as; the over consumption crisis that is beginning to affect the human race, the pressures that are put on young minds to conform to what is ‘in’ fashion and that being on the lucky side of the human inequality lottery dictates I should not treat clothing with such disrespect as to take it off or throw it away – some people don’t even have clothes.

It takes me approximately 4 seconds* to remove a jumper. The deep sociological debates about the fabric* of humanity lasted approximately 1 hour. Which you will note is far longer than the jumper removal, even adding in 2 minutes to find a replacement and put it on, would only stretch that to 2 minutes and 4 seconds, far less than the debate option. A compromiser would have had a bonus 57 minutes and 56 seconds over me, and think of all the things you can do in that time. I mean, you could probably debate the worlds sociological problems in that time. Not with me obviously, I already know the answers, and they won’t be changed.

Paul Green

*ah sorry, a jumper, for my American readers is a cow that has wool stuck to it and jumps over a fence, hence; jumper.

*Not my record.

*Pun intended.

P.S The reason for all the jumper rebuttals was because I’ve been reading a book called ‘End Game’ by… a person. It is about all the various scientific scenarios the world could end. Cheery.



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  1. S. Hansen

    Either Limerick is very much colder than Bristol right now or you’re crazy. I was struggling with wearing a T-shirt today and you’re wearing a jumper!?
    Also what were you thinking disagreeing with my bestie? Always agree with her, she knows stuff, I’m not sure what but she knows it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. MoJo

    As any woman who has married / dated / raised / known any man at all can confirm, you are the only guy out there who has ever been hell bent on wearing ratty clothes and is a mega pain in the ass when asked to please stop sporting the hobo attire in front of the rest of the world. That would never ever ever happened here. I have never gotten totally pissed because my man did that. Nor have I ever thrown that shite out and then lied about it. I also haven’t brought it up again a year later when I was pissed yet again about something completely off topic because I wanted to make him made while simultaneously proving that he never really cared about the damn thing in the first place or he would have noticed any other time in the year before that fight. And then I wouldn’t have done it again the next time I found a holey t-shirt that was “his very favorite shirt eeeever” (eye roll) that he still hasn’t noticed has been long gone for months and months. None of that would occur here. Thank God that your girlfriend is the only woman who has be forced to deal with that madness. Now thrown out the damn jumper and buy a new eff’ing cow to wrap around your torso!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Paul Green

      But think about the kids! The poor people will no clothes. OK, the jumper will go but it will take time. I can’t just part with a perfectly good jumper like that. It will take years.


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