188 // All Aboard The Mental Health Submarine

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OK, so if you're in the market for a submarine you're going to have to know what you're looking for (obviously). You can't just go buying any old thing hoping to sail around the world. There are lots of things to keep in mind, don't worry about the mileage, or tax too much though, and you definitely shouldn't be getting windscreen cover added onto your insurance.

If you want an old submarine don't get one from the 1500s – you're going to struggle, because they didn't exist then. The first one came about after Mr. Drebbel built one in 1620, even if you get your hands on this one it does lack some of the modern comforts of a later model. Plus there are serious doubts as to whether it did actually work properly.

If you want a model that actually works, and could be used without the need for human power then stick with the 1900s. That is your era, you've got the pick of the lot, especially as the first and second world wars really propelled their development. The classic submarine to pick up would be what is rather annoyingly called a 'U-Boat', which is neither a boat or a U. Still though the draw backs of these are that they are typically diesel-powered and can't really stay underwater very long at all.

If it is longevity you want, then grab yourself a nuclear sub. You will have no problems staying underwater for, well, as long as you want really. Depending on how many friends and family you take with you could stay for over 3 months. Don't worry if you're popular, the typical nuclear sub will be over a 100 berth. More than enough space. The only thing stopping you staying longer is the amount of food you eat, as the oxygen is generated onboard and the power for the engine will basically never stop. So pack wisely.

If you want a submarine with a bit more open space then you'd have to take mine. It is a lovely house in the Irish countryside, which never runs out of power. Obviously having open space in a submarine does mean you will get wet from time to time but other than that it is great.

The natural downside is once you're in a submarine, deep in enemy territory – as you no doubt will be, is that you can't get out. You have to stay there until you are able to resurface. The lack of movement on the job front, and thus the prevention of car buying and house hunting means the relaxing times in this lovely submarine setting are turning into frustration. A resurfacing is in order so the plan is to head over to the UK next week for a little breather*, and a change of scenery. That way, upon my return I will have the guile and enthusiasm required to keep applying for jobs that definitely don't interest me.

Or, maybe I should put all my money on black, and try to get this submarine sales business of the ground once and for all.

Paul Green

*What an analogy that is, see how that all came together.

Read more, it's good for you.

186 // Mental Health In Safe Mode

187 // A Mental Health Holiday

184 // First World Problems

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20 Comments

  1. desertcurmudgeon

    I don’t recall reading a single post of yours that wasn’t genuinely funny. This one is no exception. That’s why I don’t always comment down here because after a while, if I kept saying things like “hilarious!” for every post, it might begin to seem disingenuous. But they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and for my post today on the imminent freedom of Orenthal James Simpson, I lifted your device of the well-placed strikethrough. Perhaps you deserve co-writing credit for that one.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Paul Green

      Your flattery cannot be understated but my ego dictates that there is no problem with you saying it every time. As for the strikethrough I think it is like a book from 100 years ago anyone can use it as they wish, but I read your post earlier I don’t recall seeing a strikethrough??

      Like

  2. intenttowin

    I love the way you think. It makes me smile and reminds me of me. My new submarine is only a few months old, and we are having to tighten our belts to pay for it. But I am enjoying it this morning with a swarm of of hummingbirds (didn’t you know they could swim?) perhaps I should call them a school of hummingbirds? I’m not sure what all the greens where you are look like, but in Middle Tennessee USA today we have a beautiful palette.

    Like

  3. MoJo

    Captain Nemo had some clever design ideas, and at least is wasn’t yellow with all those other people living there and singing all the damn time. Whichever sub sales direction you go, I have faith that you will rise to the top while you go under.

    Like

    1. Paul Green

      Well apparently it is possible but the only reason they don’t use it is because it will reveal their location. So if you don’t mind highly sophisticated and dedicated people knowing where you are then of course you can have internet.

      Like

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