316 // Mental Illness Will Melt Your Personality This Way

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Water is the only known natural substance that can exist in all three natural states at normal temperatures found on Earth. Obviously, there are other substances that can do this in unnatural scenarios, like when I used to go home for lunch during school and microwave half a block of cheddar cheese – solid, liquid, gas, science! I’d like to say that was for science but let’s be honest I was a hungry teenage boy. I’m beginning to see why medical professionals think we will be the first generation not to outlive our parents.

Naturally, another thing which has a few different states is my personality. In fact what you will be amazed at is that it has one more* state than water because it is metaphysical. Although in reality what most people will be amazed at most of all is that my personality exists at all. Cheeky.

Well it does, or it did – it is a has been. I don’t know, English tenses have always confused me. My personality did exist, and I’m beginning to think, after my water research that it was, in fact, a solid block of ice. However, with a little bit of global warming here and a sprinkle of crushing depression there the ice has warmed up, melted completely, trickled down onto some hot asphalt, evaporated into the sky where it got caught up in a fierce weather system that flew over Europe and rained itself onto a cow in Switzerland – or something along those lines.

I reach this stage of depression far too often. I’m sat, unmotivated, uninterested and thoroughly unimpressed with anything, while constantly searching for The Point. Whilst in all likelihood there is no point – other than to survive. That is, in fact, exactly what it feels like – survival. Now, I am fully aware I live a very comfortable life, with plenty of food, water and all the table tennis a boy could need, so I’m not quite surviving in the same way a scared Gazelle being hunted by lions is. The core feeling I have, however, is that I am just surviving. I don’t feel like I am living. I’m just existing, which is certainly not something I can say about my personality anymore.

Many animals aren’t blessed with enough intelligence and dexterity to build societies and lives outside of survival, yet we are. I’m almost 29 years into this life and I don’t feel like I’m making the most of the opportunity. I have so many ideas and projects I want to undertake that would make me feel alive but the terminal excuse I give myself for their constant failure is that depression and anxiety are hurdles I can’t clear. Using the term ‘excuse’ is probably inappropriate given that depression kills people (daily), but that is the way it feels. It is only my own mind that is stopping me from succeeding.

Whilst I try and overcome my mind and while my personality is growing grass in a cow field in Switzerland, I just have to take heart from the fact that water moves through all three states with ease, and with that, I have hope my personality will re-solidify making me cool once more.*

 Paul Green

*Three less.

*See what I did there?

 

Read more, it’s good for you.

Mentally Ill People Are Dangerous (And Why Trump Is Not Stupid)

A Ghost Story (A Mental Film Review)

The Mental Health Digest (29/10/17)

14 Comments

  1. helentastic67

    Your personality is always there. You may not think so but it’s there. But what’s with all the science? And you are a bit early for the mid-life crisis! Life, and the meaning of which ebs and flows. Stop, take stock keep living………..hang in there buddy. Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

  2. sadiewolf2014

    Well I love your writing, which is totally original and very smart and at the same time extremely likeable. And that must be you and your personality, because who wrote it? You have already achieved such a lot with a blog that is successful (has lots of followers, looks really organised, has all your other spin off projects connected i.e. your book etc) AND is genuine and allows you to write what you want. If you are having loads of ideas and can’t find the motivation/energy to do them maybe part of it is because you are spending a lot of energy working a normal job instead of earning it from your writing- is that still the case? I am sure your readers would like to support you if you added a KoFi buy me a coffee button or something. Anyway, people saying stuff/offering unsolicited advice when you feel depressed doesn’t always help/can be annoying (sorry) so I shall just say that I sincerely hope you feel better soon. I LOVE YOUR WRITING! Best wishes.

    Like

  3. mazmisc

    With you on many things here. First, English tenses are my biggest fear in writing (when I do ACTUAL writing, not my nonsense blog.)

    “I’m sad, unmotivated, uninterested and thoroughly unimpressed with anything, while constantly searching for The Point.” – I feel this all too often too.

    In my current state, I sadly realized something that has corrupted my mind over the years. Unfortunately, I think I may have realized it all too late … after ruining the best thing that I ever had.

    Like

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