Water is the only known natural substance that can exist in all three natural states at normal temperatures found on Earth. Obviously, there are other substances that can do this in unnatural scenarios, like when I used to go home for lunch during school and microwave half a block of cheddar cheese – solid, liquid, gas, science! I’d like to say that was for science but let’s be honest I was a hungry teenage boy. I’m beginning to see why medical professionals think we will be the first generation not to outlive our parents.
Naturally, another thing which has a few different states is my personality. In fact what you will be amazed at is that it has one more* state than water because it is metaphysical. Although in reality what most people will be amazed at most of all is that my personality exists at all. Cheeky.
Well it does, or it did – it is a has been. I don’t know, English tenses have always confused me. My personality did exist, and I’m beginning to think, after my water research that it was, in fact, a solid block of ice. However, with a little bit of global warming here and a sprinkle of crushing depression there the ice has warmed up, melted completely, trickled down onto some hot asphalt, evaporated into the sky where it got caught up in a fierce weather system that flew over Europe and rained itself onto a cow in Switzerland – or something along those lines.
I reach this stage of depression far too often. I’m sat, unmotivated, uninterested and thoroughly unimpressed with anything, while constantly searching for The Point. Whilst in all likelihood there is no point – other than to survive. That is, in fact, exactly what it feels like – survival. Now, I am fully aware I live a very comfortable life, with plenty of food, water and all the table tennis a boy could need, so I’m not quite surviving in the same way a scared Gazelle being hunted by lions is. The core feeling I have, however, is that I am just surviving. I don’t feel like I am living. I’m just existing, which is certainly not something I can say about my personality anymore.
Many animals aren’t blessed with enough intelligence and dexterity to build societies and lives outside of survival, yet we are. I’m almost 29 years into this life and I don’t feel like I’m making the most of the opportunity. I have so many ideas and projects I want to undertake that would make me feel alive but the terminal excuse I give myself for their constant failure is that depression and anxiety are hurdles I can’t clear. Using the term ‘excuse’ is probably inappropriate given that depression kills people (daily), but that is the way it feels. It is only my own mind that is stopping me from succeeding.
Whilst I try and overcome my mind and while my personality is growing grass in a cow field in Switzerland, I just have to take heart from the fact that water moves through all three states with ease, and with that, I have hope my personality will re-solidify making me cool once more.*
*See what I did there?