Brain Reviews

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Waterfall Thoughts’ Brain



I received this brain almost 21 years ago now.

For the first 15 years or so it worked perfectly, better than I could’ve hoped for. Was constantly working overtime to give me everything I needed. Brilliant memory capacity, above and beyond with its imagination capabilities and generous happy setting.

Around the 16 / 17 year mark it started to develop a concerning tendency for switching on its self conscious mode without warning and getting stuck on that mode. I didn’t worry too much as I’m aware brains are a little unpredictable at this age and often fluctuate but then settle back to a comfortable setting.

Unfortunately this brain didn’t, and has only gotten worse. It now refuses to function normally in a morning and is prone to emitting extreme anxiety at this time rendering me completely useless and to be honest abit of a wreck.

As well as this morning glitch it also has unpredictable periods of massive depression, this peaked in its 18th year almost causing me to cancel my contract completely. It also seems to have developed a virus that is almost sentient and separate from itself that manifests in a near constant background monologue of criticism and negativity. This has caused paranoia, debilitating loss of self worth, eradication of any form of confidence, very short lived but very intense bouts of irritability and a constant desire to hide away from people and life.

That said, in between these effects, it is still a very creative and imaginative brain and still has the capacity for intelligence, wit and an extraordinary love of life. It’s very empathetic and caring and often emits an almost childlike joy for life’s simple pleasures. It’s love, loyalty and caring settings also work without a glitch.

I think with the right virus software to reduce its out of character tendencies this brain would be, not perfect, but imperfect in the most beautiful way.

I would recommend this brain for a person with strong character and a strong sense of self to allow you to work around it’s more negative aspects.

Overall I would give it a 3 out of 5 star rating.

Excessively Me’s Brain
Twitter: @Excessivelyme25
Instagram: @Excessivelyme25
Tumblr: Excessivelyme25


This brain has clearly been used. It is weathered and rough around the edges. You can see, here, along the central sulcus, the remnants of ECT (Electro Convulsive Therapy). There is no telling what this brain was like before. Years of drug abuse and prescribed medications, coupled with aging, depression, and stress, have probably killed more neurons than there are visible stars in New York City. Scratch that. They’ve definitely killed more.

Although a little beaten up, this brain is actually functioning better than it ever has. Maybe those extra neurons were the problem. It is empathetic as always, perceptive, prone to great love, and clever. It can understand intricate scientific issues and also analyze the shit out of “Paradise Lost.” Its great goal in life is to help other brains who are in need by providing medical care as a nurse. It even carries a little stethoscope for inspiration. It is working hard toward this goal. 

It is analytical and oftentimes overly analytical. When the brain’s chemicals go haywire, anxiety or mania or depression or panic takes over. Sometimes it can grow so cold and dark in the brain that everything feels hopeless and it will attempt to destroy itself. Thus far it has not succeeded. At other times, it is so overheated that it cannot focus on a single thing. It bounces around from thought to thought at lightning speed. Still other moments are paralytic, as anxiety floods through it, quick to shut down useful functions and bolster the negative ones. There is no bear, brain. You do not need to fear a bear attack in Manhattan. 

It has served its owner well in many respects, but has almost killed her on a handful of occasions. What a lovable d*ck. 

Mindfump’s Brain
Twitter: @mindfump
Instagram: @Mindfumpblog


I received this brain as gift around 28 years ago. It is the second brain to be produced by my mother and father, their first brain has been a major success. Could the second live up to the hype?

Well, for the first 10 years or so it could. I would hesitate to say it was a really smart brain, but it did heavily contribute to me being awarded my 50 meter swimming badge at the youngest age in my school.

It is a very ’emotionally poor’ brain. When using this brain, you are likely to feel guilty when accepting presents or surprises, because the brain doesn’t seem to afford you any emotional currency. So to everyone else you look disinterested or ungrateful – or both. You are neither of these things, but appearance is everything.

One of the upsides of this lack of emotional currency is that you will find that you don’t cry very often. Nothing really makes you sad – although this brain has a weak spot for pride. You see someone being proud of someone else – it is time to get the tissues.

As you get older; this is where I really found the problem with this brain. Yes, you do get the creativity described in the advert but it seems to come at a cost. I don’t know if it is just a fault in my brain or all of these brains but I get huge bouts of depression and anxiety. These huge dark overbearing clouds follow me round like a balloon on a string. And not one of those happy balloons that looks like a disney character, an ugly one made of mercury and disappointment.

Maybe there are remnants over other users in my brain as I keep getting lots of conflict between what I think my personality is and this brain allows me to do. This makes it really difficult to recommend, there are many good parts. The creativity is great, and the logical skills are right up there. However the vacuum of emotion is really what holds this brain back.


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